Blahed Thoughts, The First

Spoke today to My best buddy of more than 12 years, Ujwal, about a crazy emo crap I was going through. Something that surprises him & me are both our lives run almost on the same fuckin' script! Really really freakin' weird but good for us in a way. Coming to the K-Serial...

I was having a problem with a very close friend of mine. I almost wanted to get a 'L' tattoo on my head for having messaged & called her a million times (Yes. With Male problems its almost always a "her' isn't it? :D). Big mistake that won't see repetition. I mean I didn't have to, u know. I really didn't commit a mistake consciously. I said something that might have sounded crude on the surface but then again the other person was so close to me that she knew how I always talked & she misunderstood my statement as something that was negative & hurtful when I actually meant to uplift her low self-esteem by giving some advice. I really cared for her & wanted her to be happy. But yes, I apologized cuz it caused her hurt unfortunately. I can't fall at the feet & plead for mercy for something that is best forgiven & forgotten. But just when I thought the serial would come to an end, I don't hear nothing from her. Lotsa attitude, calls & messages go uncared for. I know I tried my best. I ain't no fuckin loner to have it affect me. But it did...

Because this gal was my close pal & it ain't so easy to let go of someone whom U've got so accustomed to & had so much fun with for more than 2 years! That's when my longest standing best bud came to my rescue. Seems like he went through stuff exactly like this sometime ago & man did his experience & lesson come as a boon to me! I started thinking there was some kinda weird problem with me cuz this kinda stuff had happened to me before twice & another 2 of 'em are better left unmentioned cuz they were so incredibly mature! One of those 2 was total psycho, the type that had 'stalker' written all over her personality. So that makes the count 4. So I actually contemplated changing that trait which was causing this. I had no clue what it was btw, so rang the phone of the only person who knew me really well.

S: Dude honestly Is there something wrong with me man? All these crazy shit happening is freakin' weird. Do I hafta change anything about me?

Uj: Dude all these times that you've been with these women, have they changed anything about themselves for you?

S: Hmmm, actually thinking about it, HELL NO!

Uj: Then why the fuck do you hafta change for 'em? U can't be some chameleon for their sake who changes according to their likes. Secondly, see the list of women who U've fallen out with. 1 was a total Anti-Man woman. So you should have realized That friendship was doomed right from the beginning. Another was a pretty face & on same thought lines like the first one & not even a great bod. Another was the first one's friend so not too tricky a thought there. The last was 21, immature & a freak. So dude who's the wrong one now?

S: (Taken aback by the new perspective) Wow dude I never saw it this way. Bloody hell ur right man. The association was bound to go to the dogs right from the beginning.

Uj: Yeah. In ur case unfortunately you've been associated with the wrong people at the weirdest of times. And the current problem girl, wotz the ratio of you being there for her to her being there for you? 1:5? Ur STD bill itself gives me a good idea.

S: Yup dude. But I didn't put a count da. She had problems and I as a good friend was there to give her advice/console. That's it. But then, Last week when I was feeling low & was lookin for solace, she asked me to try talking to her. I started & within a few minutes she pushed it away saying we'll talk it the coming weekend! Now tell me who feels low for sooo long man?? Bro its not like whenever she had a problem I was in the best of moods to listen, but I did, nevertheless. I was hurt cuz it felt like she wasn't being there for me when I needed her. That's absolute rubbish behaviour to show to a friend who btw was always there a phone call away & Now She acts like I did some major crime. What's with these women, dude? Are they so blind to their own wrong doings?

Uj: Bro don't ever keep expectations man. Our problem is that we respect these women a lot & so these people take us for granted. It doesn't pay to be nice, dude. What I've noticed is we men almost always end up having to initiate the apologizing process, even if they are on the wrong side.

S: Dude I've had enough of such women treating me like shit. That's it da I'm done. I apologized to her for having caused hurt unknowingly. I can't do nothing more. If she doesn't think that I'm worth inspite of having done so much for her, her problem, her loss. Thanks bro for talking. Was very insightful. No more second class treatment for me. I ain't no second class shit. Period.

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